Are you a kind of person who used to
go to a salon to have a pedicure or manicure service? If yes, we gonna be a
good mate! For almost a decade now, this event, has been my "TREAT" to myself especially after a
very tedious and stressful days.
My friends would always say,
"Ano ba yan, kakapalinis mo
lang ng kuko last saturday magpapalinis ka na naman.
Baka naman bukas makalawa wala ka ng
kukong palilinisan!"
I would usually smile back to them
because no matter what they say,
I would still go on.
Probably because this has been my
way of "somehow" expressing my other self, too.
At home my family doesn't know who
really I am.
I am afraid to talk about my "wants",
"likes", and "dreams".
It is simply because my brothers,
cousins, and dad would hate me.
I am just a simple boy who has this
simple dream.
I just dream to have a life of my
own. I mean a life that I could say "MY OWN".
A life wherein no one can dictate
what are the things that I should do, the feelings that I should feel,
the things that I should like and
dislike, and most importantly a life wherein I can freely choose the person I
should love.
Upon reading this, it seems easy for
you to say that the problem is in me.
That I should have the
"bones" to stand for myself.
Yes.
It seems easy.
But the problem is, I can't.
It simply because I am afraid to be
alone. I am afraid to be secluded from other people.
My family is the only group of
people that I have.
Is it bit confusing?
If you would ask me, "How about
your friends?"
I'll just smile and say "I
really don't have."
My friends are all imaginary people.
In real life I don't have friends to run to, and to talk
with.
I am alone.
Alone in this purely white room.
Painted with white and with a bed
covered with pure white satin.
My pillows are all white, too.
This color symbolizes purity,
innocence and emptiness.
Yes, emptiness of life like
what I have.
Many people afraid of us. They say
that we are very dangerous in the community.
I don't usually argue with that
assumption because even my own relatives believe with such idea.
The idea that I can kill people. Ow,
come on.
I am not shocked when my father
decided to put me inside this institution.
The doctors say I am diagnosed with
schizophrenia, wherein I am making another person in me.
Yes. That's true. that's the reason
why you where able to read this story.
The reason why my mother hates me
because I put her favorite dress inside the microwave oven.
The reason why my brother kicked me
when he learned that I used his cellphone to text his friends with weird
things.
The reason why my cousins dislike me
because I usually make story for them to fight each other.
The reason why you are probably
confused about this story.
They can't blame me.
You can't blame.
No one can.
Because no one has experienced what
I have been experiencing.
The pain.
Not the physical pain but the
emotional pain that you all caused me. :X
